Saturday, September 26, 2009

Miss Davis

That's right. I am an official Teacher Candidate. I have started my professional year with the BYUH College of Human Development. I spend every Monday, Wednesday and Friday at Hau'ula Elementary teaching and working with my 6th grade students. Like this whole becoming a teaching this is for real now. They call me Miss Davis and everything. It took me a while to get used to it, especially because there's a girl named Jessica in my class. Every time my CT would say her name I would turn around and look like she was actually calling for me. It is weird... Weird, but wonderful. I mean I correct homework, administer tests, discipline students, run copies in the teacher work room and everything. I'm legit. Too legit to quit some might say...

I admit, I've had kind of a rocky start. Not to sound like a snot, but I struggle when I'm not relatively good at something right away. My CT (Cooperating Teacher) put me straight to work and of course, I've never been in the classroom as an actual teacher, so it took me a while to figure out what I was doing. Now, I am not complaining. I'm super grateful for it. My CT is awesome and my skills and abilities have improved already. I'm just saying, I didn't immediately feel super comfortable and capable. In fact, I felt rather inadequate and like I was struggling to keep my head above water. I've spent so long learning about principles and psychological concepts and pedagogy that all of a sudden having to put them into action was a little overwhelming. Not a happy feeling for me. Plus, it's always harder for me to work with older students. They have attitude problems because they are at that awkward in between stage. So my not being perfect right away at being a teacher coupled with snarky sixth graders made things kinda hard.

With that said, I'm finally to the point where I'm loving my class. As I've relaxed around the kids they've relaxed around me. Wednesday was my first good day and we actually had a lot of fun together. I'm happy to finally be settling in and I can tell this is going to be one heck of a year. All I have to do is get used to balancing my O & P with classes (4 to be exact), work and my church calling. My schedule is hectic to say the least, but I'm going to work hard, endure to the end and complete this program with flying colors. I won't let myself do anything less.

Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling.

(Hau'ula Elementary School)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Good People Make All of the Difference in the World

It's one of those nights when I can't stay asleep. I am tired, and searching for rest, but I have a head full of thoughts. I think that the worst part is that none of them are quite complete. In fact, I don't even quite know what's going on up there. I simply feel them, thick and smokey, swirly around, waiting to be shaped into something I can release. So, forgive me if I ramble, or don't quite make sense. It just means that my thoughts were not as complete as I had thought.

I wake up each morning and I am given things. They are perfectly ordinary things like music, beauty, sights, and sounds. They are things we experience every day -- friendship, excitement, struggles and victories. And for some reason, today, I cannot quite make sense of what I'm feeling. There are so many wonderful things happening all at once that I can't quite register them all. In essence, I'm overwhelmed in the best way possible.
What makes this such a dilemma is the fact that I feel so immobile. I'm trying to respond to the world around me and I don't really know how. What do you give back to the reflections that dance off of an ocean made of the bluest glass? What do you say to laughter so rich that fills every inch of you? There's nothing. There's nothing you can say or do that will be as beautiful. There's just the feeling you have inside, lingering on after the moment has passed. All I want to do is give something in return. My heart is aching to whisper back to the moments of perfection I am blessed enough to experience everyday.
I hope, someday, I find a way to answer the world around me. I like to imagine something equally eloquent sweeping out of me. It will be smooth, gentle and steady, like the light the night sky gives. It will let the life around me know how content and grateful I am, how much I appreciate its radiance.
But then again, maybe we aren't meant to respond. Maybe instead of giving something back we are supposed to build upon these moments, add notes to the song. Maybe we keep them like secrets, sharing them with the people we love the most. I'm not really sure.
All I know, is that it has been a wonderful summer, and my heart and mind are full of these moments that make me want to sing.